Does your heart swell up with pride in America when you sing the National anthem at a football game, watching a military color guard stand at attention on the field? Does a tear trickle down your cheek when you see our military honored at halftime? Just when you thought that the NFL couldn’t sink much lower, here comes “PatriotGate.”
An investigative report released by Senators John McCain and Jeff Flake revealed that the U.S. Department of Defense paid the National Football League more than $5 million dollars in your hard earned tax dollars to honor America’s service members and veterans.
Hard to understand if you’re the “average” taxpayer. So, let’s smarten you up on why the NFL needs your tax dollars for these spectacles of faux patriotism.
- The NFL just gave up its nonprofit status. That $10 billion a year simply won’t stretch as far as it used to after taxes. Just ask Donald Trump.
- The Beatles were wrong. Money CAN buy love. Now you know. Swipe left.
- Everyone’s doing it. The Jets, Falcons, Ravens, Bills, Bengals, Browns, Cowboys, Packers, Colts, Chiefs, Dolphins, Vikings, Steelers and Rams can’t ALL be wrong. Can they? The NBA, NHL, MLB and MLS did it, too. Sounds more like a trend than a scandal.
- If you bought more team jerseys, the NFL wouldn’t need your tax dollars, too.
- At $1.9 M a year per player, the NFL needs to raise revenue so salaries stay competitive. Imagine what would happen if Tom Brady, Payton Manning, and other top NFL quarterbacks defected to the NBA?
- Faux patriotism? Made you cry didn’t it? What’s “faux” about that?
- Seriously? Five million is chump change to a guy like Commissioner Roger Goodell. He earns $44 M a year. He hangs out with Mark Cuban. Can you imagine his dry cleaning bill? We just don’t understand how the top 1% live.
- Levi’s Stadium is not Dr. Who’s Tardis! There are a limited number of million dollar luxury boxes, folks.
- Super Bowl halftime with Coldplay isn’t going to come cheap. First-class tickets from the U.K. and all that hair gel. Chris Martin’s alimony to Gwyneth plus child support for Apple and Moses. Guy Berryman’s new harmonica. Cha-ching.
- And, don’t forget 150 Super Bowl rings. You think your wife’s engagement ring was pricey? LOL! Five carats, costing the Patriots $36,500 each last year.
© Gretchen Martens, Dallas, TX 2016
Submitted for publication to Second City Network, not accepted.